Before the breakdown

The dreaded Monday morning. The dreaded, rainy Monday morning. The train is moving as slowly as it possibly can; after the subway breakdown fiasco last week, it had better.

The only thing I am glad for this morning is my decision to put on my boots instead of my sneakers.

I can't read my book because that would be inconsiderate - that extra space between my book and the next commuter could cost someone's ride to work.

The music alone is not enough. Korean songs make me wish I can understand the language better after two years of study. I must have been sleeping in class all this while.

So I was peering at someone's newspaper (c'mon, like you don't) and I read, "Are we becoming a template nation?"

My answer to this question, since I was 18, has always been a resounding, "Yes!"

And why would it not be?

People look at me as if I am an alien whenever I am in my boots. No one is interested in looking presentable, we just need what we wear to work in our hot and humid weather. Well, good luck with the puddles in those flats.

I take on a job I love and people discuss about my stupidity in settling for such a low salary. I hope you're happy taking orders from superiors who are not able to pen gramatically correct emails. And how come your salary can never seem to cover your expenses?

I am not bothered about my marital status but you have to point out that there must be somehing dreadfully wrong with me for no one to want to be with me. I am sorry your standards are so low. HDB and SDU can kiss my ass. Sorry I couldn't find better words to express my displeasure. At least I didn't use emoticons - those are for people who cannot express themselves, period.

I want to find myself a better future, away from the templates I have to use here. I want to build my identity, wear my boots and be accepted for being myself. You don't believe me and ask me why I am being selfish and silly.

Well, YOU are the very reason why I want to leave.

D-165

Time is getting short. I am starting to have some worries - did I really think I can do my masters in Korean - but I need to push on.

More, more, more rah-rah in my head and on this blog. I need to keep myself motivated.

And we know I am on my own for this one.

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